Gender and sexual minorities may call our broader community “queer” or some variant of “LGBT” or “LGBTQ+”. The letters in LGBTQ stand for common identities in the community: Lesbian (L), Gay (G), Bisexual (B), Transgender (T), and Queer or Questioning (Q). Occasionally the acronym is expanded to recognize Intersex (I) and other individuals. A plus sign (+) may be included to represent all other identities not specified.
In the expanded acronym, LBGTQIA+, the (A) stands for Asexual, Aromantic or Agender. “Ally” is not a part of this alphabet— but allies have a vital place alongside us as we work toward equality and social change.
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A Good Ally:
∙ Offers tangible support to LGBTQ individuals
∙ Understands the adversity that LGBTQ people face
∙ Makes room for us to exist
∙ Stands against homophobia and transphobia
∙ Uplifts the most marginalized of our community (often trans people or people of color)
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This page aims to help people be effective allies to LGBTQ people. “Ally” is not an identity, but rather an approach to life. Allies show up every day— not just at Pride! There are four main focuses when you work as an ALLY: Action, Listening, Learning and Yielding. Each letter in the acronym is explained below.
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Yielding
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More often then not, the number one thing an ally can do is take a step back. Society has conditioned us to approach life with a display of confidence, and this often leads to doing something incorrectly. As an example, if you play a game that you don’t remember all the rules but think you do, you probably will end up playing the game incorrectly, which would upset your fellow game members.
Another aspect of yielding is realizing how life is different for other people. A straight person usually doesn’t have to think about the sexual orientation of their crushes or potential partners. This means that the idea is nonexistent in their mind. Aspects of queer life are invisible to those who are not queer. Unless you are open to learning, it will remain invisible.
Yielding serves as a foundation for allyship. One can not listen to others if they do not give them time, space, and attention.
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Listening
If you want to support someone, it always helps to listen to them! Sometimes you have a bad day, and when you get home, you start telling a close friend about it, and they try to give you a solution. At that time, all you want is them to really listen to you, not say anything! Not just listen, but really give you their full attention.
Listening is the next foundational set, one cannot learn without first listening to people.
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Learning
Self education is key to being an ally! Queer people don’t own anyone an explaination of who they are!
Having people who already have some understanding of queer identities and issues makes it easier to talk to that person.
Read definitions, and ask questions! Our coming out page also has a section on how to respond when someone comes out to you.
Learn about the history of they/them pronouns. This book is really good at helping people understand why language is so important! The New York Times has this article on neopronouns. As a brief summary, neopronouns are any gender neutral pronoun that are not they/them. Noun-Self pronouns are made by adapting any noun of one’s choosing into a pronoun. Individuals will use noun-self pronouns because they are personal pronouns that are descriptive of themselves. This website is a database of different pronouns, for each pronoun there are examples of how to use them in subject, object, and possessive form.
Here are some resources for learning more:
- The Safe Zone Project
- ASEE
- PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
Learning is the next step in being an ally. Action requires having first learned and listened.
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Action
One of the keys to being an ally is to take action. Here are some Actions you can take: Introduce yourself with your pronouns, use pronouns in your name on Zoom, email signature, etc. Practice using they/them pronouns for people you don’t know.
Support bills that will give rights to queer people, protest bills that would take away rights from queer people or otherwise be harmful towards them, see our legal section for more info. (i.e. current bill that would block minors from being able to take hormone blockers)
Here is a guide that can help you prepare for conversations defending queer/trans individuals,, , while geared toward educators, it is a good resource for any ally.
Speak up when someone saying something mean or discriminatory towards queer people. Correct people when they use the wrong name or pronouns for someone!
Correct yourself when you make a mistake. If you feel comfortable, correct others and remind them to use gender neutral language as well.
Join events, and get to know people in the community!
Practice using inclusive language: (taken from SDI SafeSpace Workbook)
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LGBTQ+ INCLUSIVE LANGUAGE DOS AND DON’TS
AVOID SAYING: Hermaphrodite
SAY INSTEAD: Intersex
WHY? Hermaphrodite is a stigmatizing, inaccurate word with a negative medical history.
EXAMPLE: “What are the best practices for the care of intersex infants?”
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AVOID SAYING: Homosexual
SAY INSTEAD: Gay
WHY? “Homosexual” often connotes a medical diagnosis, or a discomfort with gay/lesbian people.
EXAMPLE: “We want to do a better job of being inclusive of our gay employees.”
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AVOID SAYING: “Born female” or “born male”/ “female-bodied” or “male-bodied”
SAY INSTEAD: A gay/transgender person
WHY? Gay and transgender are adjectives that describe a person/group
EXAMPLE: “We had a transgender athlete in our league this year.”
AVOID SAYING: “Transgender people and normal people”
SAY INSTEAD: Transgender people and cisgender people
WHY? Saying “normal” implies “abnormal,” which is a stigmatizing way to refer to a person.
EXAMPLE: “This group is open to both transgender and cisgender people.”
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AVOID SAYING: “Both genders” or “opposite sexes”
SAY INSTEAD: All genders
WHY? “Both” implies there are only two; “Opposite” reinforces antagonism amongst genders
EXAMPLE: “Video games aren’t just a boy thing – kids of all genders play them.”
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AVOID SAYING: Ladies and gentlemen
SAY INSTEAD: “Everyone,” “Folks,” “Honored guests,” etc
WHY? Moving away from binary language is more inclusive of people of all genders
EXAMPLE: “Good morning everyone, next stop Picadilly Station.”
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AVOID SAYING: “Mailman,” fireman,” “policeman,” etc
SAY INSTEAD: “Mail clerk,” “firefighter,” “police officer,” etc
WHY? People of all genders do these jobs
EXAMPLE: “I actually saw a firefighter rescue a cat from a tree.”
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AVOID SAYING: “It” when referring to someone (e.g., when pronouns are unknown)
SAY INSTEAD: They
WHY? “It” is for referring to things, not people.
EXAMPLE: “You know, I am not sure how they identify.”